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Time. Is. Infinite. You can’t run out of it.

It never ceases to irk me when people use the excuse, “I don’t have time.”  Although the idea behind the statement may align itself with some measure of truth, or more specifically credibility, it is incorrect to say, “I don’t have any time.”

Yes you do.

Allow me to offer my humble explanation.  It’s quite simple, really.

There are 60 minutes in an hour.  There are 24 hours in a day.  There are 7 days in a week.  There are 52 weeks in a year.  That’s 524,160 minutes in a year.  How can you stand there and tell someone that you, “don’t have time?”  That is absolutely false; you can find enough time for whatever it is that you want to do, that is no problem because time is infinite, just like the energizer bunny.

However, when we take a deeper look at the motivation to say that you don’t have any time, we can get down to the nitty gritty.  When people say, “I don’t have time,” what they really mean is, “I don’t have time for you.” Yes.

Sure, you may have to go pick up your cousin from the airport, take a midterm in two days, work from 5 PM until 4 AM, go to class from 8 AM until 3 PM, et cetera et cetera, but since when are you physically unable to break any of those obligations?  Sure, you may be morally, contractually, ethically, or otherwise bound to carry out whatever other tasks you have planned, but plans are never written in stone.  They can and do change as your evaluations of what you want to do change.

Remember when you skipped class to go to Starbucks with that high school hottie, Claire?  Yep.  So you did have time on that one occasion, which means that you do have time on this next occasion; you just don’t want to rearrange things again.

Remember when you told your family, “I don’t have time,” when they asked if you could come home the next weekend to take care of the family pets?  Guess again; you did have time, you just didn’t deem the act of taking care of the pets more important, or in other words, worth your time than that party you went to, or even to study in the comfort of the Law Library.

You can be “busy” or “not willing to break existing plans/intentions,” but not literally out of time.  Even, “Sorry, I’ve got shit to do,” would convey something more to me than “I don’t have time,” does.

To wrap this little rant up:

Nobody really doesn’t have “time” to do things; we all have 24 hours in a day, even Barack Obama does.  We just don’t “want” to rearrange whatever pre-existing plans we had to accommodate whatever new plans or intentions that come up. And that’s what I have to say about that.

Next week: Correct comma usage.

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November 7, 2010 Posted by | opinion | Leave a comment

Think You Knew Yourself? Guess Again

Throw everything you thought you knew about yourself out the window and let Hunch worry about what your favorite fast food is, what kind of dog you should get, what to drive, how many kids to have, and all of life’s decisions! Perfect for not only people who don’t want to think or have trouble making decisions, but also anyone who would like to lose their ability to make up their own mind and become a spineless jellyfish! Never strain another brain cell because Hunch.com will run your life for you!

Just sign in with your Twitter or Facebook account and start with the 20 questions provided, which range from where do you live, to would you rather spoon or be spooned, to whether John Travolta is a good actor, to simply declaring “odd” or “even.”

Hunch will gather information from seemingly useless inputs and run that information through their presumably high-tech analyzation machine (which actually just might be some guy who managed to convince enough people to fund a website by conning them into believing in decision making “patterns” that they never saw before but can actually predict their preferences, but are really just that same guy drawing random lines from people to trends in a janitor closet somewhere). Hunch will then strain what comes out the other end through its patented predictor algorithms and display the resulting product that you have a determined predisposition to! Now, who could ever argue with such a state-of-the-art system?

Welcome to the new era of customized, recommendation engines.

…It’s actually pretty intriguing.

August 13, 2010 Posted by | opinion | , , , , | Leave a comment

Service Engine NOW

If someone tells you to do something “soon,” how likely are you actually going to get to it sooner rather than later?  Not very.  Soon gives you free range to interpret its meaning in your own way, because everyone knows that soon means different things to different people.  I may say that I’ll be going to the store soon, meaning within the next few days, while you may be thinking within the next half hour.  It’s all relative.  That’s why I think that the “service engine soon” light needs an overhaul. That’s why I propose that there should be three service engine lights, sort of like a stop light.

A picture of an engine that lights up green: Everything is hunkey dorey and you can continue driving your car no worries.

A picture of an engine that lights up yellow: All is not as it should be, and you need to address the car’s maintenance “soon.” Refill the wiper fluid, change a burned out light bulb, change an oxygen sensor that really does nothing, or get an oil change since it’s been 3,000 or 5,000 miles.  Things that won’t make your car fall apart on the highway at that instant but should be taken care of “soon.”

Then, there would be a picture of an engine that lights up red. This is panic mode: your radiator has sprung a leak, cylinder 3 is not firing, a squirrel has chewed through an important wire, your car is running so lean that you’re about to throw a rod, your transmission is five seconds from falling out of the bottom of the car; basically, your car is F’d and you better do something immediately.

The current system lacks urgency and is characterized by excessive ambiguity. Service engine soon?  Sure thing, I’ll get around to that next month.

August 11, 2010 Posted by | opinion, writing | , | Leave a comment

THE Site for Information

Welcome to the life of Sonny Ahuja.  Sonny is everything you’ve been waiting for all rolled into one super intelligent package. Who is Sonny?  He’s a business consultant, an SEO expert, a web designer, as well as a professional speaker whose site I found while conducting research on perfume for a project I’m working on.  And now he’s yours. Just look at that winning self portrait!

Let me educate you with a little bit of  Sonny’s incredible knowledge base:

Kate Moss, Kim Kardashian, Rhianna, and Gerard Butler are all planning to release new fragrances.  Sign me up. Who wouldn’t want to conjure up an image of beefy, muscle-bound, twelve pack warrier in a girl’s mind every time she smelled my musky bod? Hit me with that Sparta, playa.

Apparently, laptop back packs are gaining in popularity and not only relieve the burden on your shoulders, but also make people smile. I never thought about it, but Sonny is definitely right. Every time I see a rolly backpack, I smile; it’s too perfect a target to run up and deliver a nice kick. I’ve had booting rolly backpacks on my list of things to do when I’m old and no longer care about anything for some time now.

Also, apparently a perfume company has found the technology to create a fragrance from human DNA. I’m going to have nightmares of a world where people can and do smell identical to the Snookie Monster or “The Situation” now.

Thanks, Sonny, for sharing your wisdom with the world.  Keep us posted.

August 5, 2010 Posted by | opinion | , | Leave a comment

Message to Idiot Motorcycle Riders

Dear anonymous motorcyclist who refuses to wear protective gear like a motorcycle jacket, gloves, boots, or helmet:

Congratulations on being one of the most ignorant, unintelligent, thickheaded, imbecilic people on the planet, however ignorance is not bliss in this situation.  It is generally acknowledged that riding a motorcycle is dangerous enough as is; what in the world makes you so morbidly obsessed to make it more so by riding sans equipment, or even a long sleeve shirt? Motorcycle jackets are more than just a fashion statement. Gloves do more than just make your hands sweat on warm summer days. I can guarantee you that wearing a full-face helmet will prove more comfortable than rubbing face with glass and pavement would when a car unexpectedly brakes and you can’t stop in time.

Reckless crotch rocket riders:

Yes, everyone knows that you are too cool for school as they watch you fly by on I-75 on your cherry red Hayabusa and pop a wheelie at 90 MPH.  But what you may not realize that everyone also knows is that you are also a moron. Your overinflated ego will not cushion your fall. A plain white T will not protect you from anything. Doing stupid stunts on your bike while having your buddy video tape you will accelerate your youtube view count as well as your visit with the Big Guy upstairs.

Just because it isn’t a law in all states, doesn’t mean you should ride without a jacket or helmet. Just because it isn’t required to take the Basic Rider Course, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Just because there isn’t a law requiring people to take fresh water when they go sailing across the Atlantic, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

News flash: helmets. save. lives. Wear one before you lose yours in a situation that could have been prevented.

Take a look at the picture below. Why buy a helmet if you’re just going to leave it hanging on the side of your motorcycle? I don’t know if the guy on the far left is thinking that he will somehow be able to unhook his helmet, put it on, and strap it up in less than one second, but he is sorely mistaken.

If you are the type of person who needs statistics and facts, Click This

Do yourself a favor, and suit up before riding.

Sincerely,

Gabe

August 4, 2010 Posted by | opinion | , , , | 2 Comments